MQ’s Blogs

The hardest part of a new college magazine is to build meaning and context. Why should students and faculty read it? What does it add to our store of knowledge? What is it telling us about the condition of our lives? These are weighty questions, and they are particularly hard for a fashion magazine. They run the risk of looking like an over-advertised picture book, and often the writing can come off as stale and sophomoric. For the most part that is the state of Up magazine.

It reads like a knockoff of Andy Warhol’s Interview magazine. In fact, Up made me think a great deal about Warhol and his art. He said, “I wanted to paint nothing.” AdBusters magazine this fall appropriately translated that to mean, “If you want more meaningful art, build a more meaningful world.” And I certainly hope that Up is not a reflection of our world.

Warhol was fascinated by the superficial. He based his career on it. He painted bananas, pictures of Mick Jagger, and passed off Brillo boxes as art not for the aesthetics so much as the subversive quality. Up magazine understood the first part, the superficial part; but unlike Warhol, the magazine is void of any meaning.

To get it out of the way, I am not trying to start a magazine war; but it seems frivolous to me that with Miami’s budget cuts, we wouldn’t be using money to publish glorified catalogues. At times it is truly difficult to tell where the advertisement for Juniper stops and where the story begins.

The all-over-badness of it starts with the letter from the editors-in-chief. Filled with esoteric terms and people, the piece rambles and fumbles between thanking readers and lauding the style of some fortunate few fashionistas on campus.  And as a bit of foreshadowing the rest of the writing in the magazine, the editors use one of my favorite word errors. “Up’s mission is to offer Miami students a more unique perspective on both fashion and life.” The word unique means to be the only one of its kind, unlike anything else; therefore it is impossible to have varying degrees of one-of-a-kind-ness. It would be like being a little bit pregnant. Unique or not unique. There is no such thing as being more unique. And it is also funny that the word is even mentioned in what turns out to be an exercise in banality.

Another funny bit from the editors’ letter is the criticism of Miami being J. Crew U. The men’s section clothing is almost exclusively from that retailer. It appears for men, dressing “creatively” isn’t as much of a forte.

The eleven editors are introduced to the readers with name, hometown, title, what they want and what then need. And if there are any doubts with just how out of touch this magazine is, it is most apparent here. Kelci House passes the relevant test by saying she needs a paycheck. Good. Others need vintage cars and fancy makeup. In my last column I briefly wrote about Dr. Zhivago. There is one great scene in the movie where the workers are outside protesting for bread and better pay, while the rich are inside eating, drinking, dancing and occasionally making fun of the rubes outside. Do with that anecdote what you will.

The “Statement Jewelry” only further belabors this point. One bird necklace I advertised here for a mere $15 under a grand. But the greater issue is that not once is the statement explained. Birds, old pictures, earrings that look like peacock feathers, it isn’t statement jewelry unless the statement you are trying to make is, “I wear a necklace that costs as much as your meal plan.”

Roland Barthes was a famous semiologist who looked at the issue of fashion as a statement. No one can escape it, the punk wants to stand out just as much as the businessman. What one wears says a great deal about the person. He looked at clothing the same way linguists look at words; clothes as a sign are broken down into a signifier and a signified. Up magazine has no use for the latter. However it would make the magazine interesting, it would give it some meaning. I want to know WHY Miami students dress the way they do, I want to know why some people rebel in what they wear. “Schooled in Fashion” tells me that designers “Build Brands” and have “Celebrity Outreach” and other jargony terms, but not once do I ever get the impression that I should care about why the designer is making clothes in the first place. Is the reason for design to move product? Or is there any shred of artistic craftsmanship left?

Certainly not in this magazine. There is a book review section that does something no book review I’ve read has ever done: made fun of reading books. “This is the kind of book that made me keep a pencil at my side so I could underline sentences ever now and then (I never said I was cool).” The three books are reviewed in a grand total ten sentences, if you count the word “Seriously” as a sentence.

Introducing the magazine as an outlet for literature, art and music is nothing more than a farce. If you want to read good literature from Miami students read Inklings, not enough people do.

One of the biggest problems of the magazine is that the articles that are interesting are about 200 words long. Urban Outfitted by Cristyn Steward is very good, until it suddenly ends. Miami Students know next-to-nothing about black fashion. Steward’s story goes into the history of the fashion movement and its current departures but ends after ten paragraphs. Kanye West recently designed a red sneaker for Louis Vuitton based on David Lynch’s movie Dune. West says he is influenced by sci-fi movies. Mention that. These good articles need more text, more information, more context.

The same goes for the article Style Idol. It is four paragraphs long, but intensely interesting for those few short sentences. The article is about the writer’s grandmother and her style; and I am left wanting to read more.

The given purpose of Up is to get students to dress and think creatively. I was excited to read it. However it becomes evident through the reading that all the magazine does is reaffirm the worst parts of Miami’s culture. It puts a spotlight on the superficial, the trite, the same worn out story that I have seen my last 3.75 years here. Miami students like to show you how much money they spend on textile goods and jewelry. That is why there is so much of the hideous “C” Coach bags, double-C Chanel earrings and giant branded sunglasses. And that is why this magazine is such a tremendous disappointment. Creative dress and creative thought are absent throughout.

However, the photography is fantastic.

Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oudKFDpUlQ

Bobby Pierce

Hungry Howie’s has the best tasting pizza on campus, period.  Store #827 however (Oxford’s), has perhaps the worst service of any pizza place of all time.

 I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a pizza from there that’s gotten delivered on time, and it’s not like I don’t ever order pizza from there, we (me and my roomies) do this pretty often.

 Also, more often than not they bring us the wrong flavored crust, or even worse, just plain crust.  If Howie’s calling card is their flavored crusts, how can they just ignore our constant butter cheese requests, or pleas for garlic?

 On top of that, Howie’s just finally got around to adding the Oxford store to it’s site (it wasn’t their when I checked in October, believe me).  Want to see a menu online before you order?  That sucks.  “Store menu’s coming soon!” reads the page for your 45056 location.  This isn’t that big of a deal, since most students definitely know what they want (or don’t care) when they’re drunk dialing Howie’s.

 This is when all the trouble starts.  Their pathetic “customer service” starts ruining everything.  It’s literally the biggest joke ever, where all the stoners go to work after they quit / get fired from Jimmy John’s.

 My friend Erin just told me this ridiculous Howie’s horror story:

 It’s whacky Wednesday, 6 pm.  So Erin orders a pizza. Problem: they’re out of butter cheese crust, bacon and pepperoni.  Already?  Really!?  How does a pizza place run out of pepperoni?  The guy on the phone tells her they’re about to go buy some more pepperoni, and to call back.  Erin doesn’t want to wait; it’s dinnertime.  Pretty reasonable huh?  Keep in mind, this was @ 6 pm, not exactly rush hour time for the establishment that exists almost exclusively for drunk college kids’ consumption.  Maybe not the worst experience ever, but still, pretty poor service.

 Another recurring problem: for those dining inside the restaurant, good luck finding paper plates and napkins.  Are you supposed to eat if off the table?  Most drunk kids are content to just eat straight out of the box.  But what about the sober ones out there just trying to eat some pizza and sit down and eat like normal people?  Sorry kids, you’re probably going to want to get your Howie’s pizza to go.

 If you have a problem with this, quit bitching and go to LaRosa’s.

 Out of all these valid complaints, there have been a few bright spots in my experience with Howie’s. 

 Late one weekend night (think after 2 am), my roommates got back to our house and ordered Howie’s.  The pizza was late as usual, by about 30 minutes.  This after being told the standard “it’ll be there in 45 minutes.”  What was atypical was the deliverer.  He/she (I’ll never tell who) was actually cool.  He/she came inside, schooled them on everything they could ever need to know about the Oxford ghost, smoked with them and left after chilling with them for 20 minutes.

 Then there’s the pizza itself.  It’s simply the best.  Think a better version of Papa John’s.  Don’t settle for that bullshit Bruno’s uptown on the way home either.  Definitely call Howie’s ahead though, at least if you have any hopes of soaking up some alcohol with greasy food before you pass out.  I would list on here their glorious menu, if they would only put it up on their stupid site.  Oh well. 

 None of this really matters.  At the end of the weekend night, I know I’m just gonna end up wanting Howie’s, denounce my attempts at becoming a full-time vegetarian, find their # (that’s stored in my phone), call them, sit down and get ready for yet another 2-hour long fiasco anxiously waiting my pepperoni bacon butter cheese pizza with a free order of Howie bread (heck yes Dubois card)!

 P.S. After all this talk of pizza, Feeling hungry?  Their # is 513-523-0700.  Give in.

flavored crust!

Hello reader, I am really quite amazed you have made it to the newly created website and blog section, but as per following the directions in the December edition you arrived.

So a few things: One: Heed Bobby Goodwin’s advice with the The Best Albums of 2008. Cut Copy’s In Ghost Colors is everything that could possibly be promised. Two: I pledged to upload some of the best of the work of George Carlin and David Foster Wallace so you will find them below.

First, some videos:

Carlin on Religion

Carlin on Stuff

Carlin on Soft Language

The Perspective of David Foster Wallace

And now some of DFW’s Articles

The Weasel, Twelve Monkeys and the Shrub

The View from Mrs. Thompson’s

And lastly, the commencement address given by DFW at Kenyon College in 2005

Unbelievable awesomeness

They’ve popped up outside Gaskill, Shriver, and Laws. Brand new, glass-enclosed, standing room only areas for students to huddle together (or not) while waiting for the Blue Bus to go home from class. It is unclear to most students when exactly those few glass encasings - now visible outside of certain bus stops - appeared, and why. These facades of quality, under the guise of luxury, exhibit just how phony Miami University can be. As long as there appears to be some semblance of affluence, it’s okay by Miami. Never mind the mundane uniformity that results in the school’s “architecture”, appearance and student body (attitude included).

Not that most Miami students would want to sit on a bench next to a complete stranger, anyway. Just look away, put on your Ipod Nano or feign phone conversations, right? That’s the philosophy behind most students’ walking habits. Admittedly, most students are busy, tired and stressed out on their way to and from class, be it by bus or otherwise. But are students at other universities as impersonal as your typical Miami student? Having just spent a weekend in Athens (albeit Halloween weekend), I would argue otherwise.

Oxford is small enough that it’s common to run into the same people on a regular basis. This doesn’t matter, since the majority of students are unfriendly enough that you’ll never have to actually interact with them. Stuck-up isn’t really accurate. Inhuman seems to fit the bill. “The town is so small / How could anybody not / Look you the eyes / Or wave as you drive by?” These lyrics, taken from the Band of Horses’ song “Ode to LRC,” are a good question to ask yourself when you think about how much or how little you interact with your fellow students.

But back to the “benches.” Was this part of the university’s budget cut? Seriously, how are you going to install these without seats? Isn’t that a little self-defeating if you’re talking about functionality? And why just in certain areas? Is this an experiment, before a larger expansion, or is this all the bus stop waiting areas we’re going to get? They’re kind of laughable when you look at them. Rarely is anyone actually inside any of them at any point during the day. Miami’s 1) garish approach towards new construction and 2) overall lack of unity, are never more apparent than when looking at these new failed attempts at bus stop waiting areas.

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UPDATE: The Princess did eventually show W. so I will remove my foot from my mouth on that one. The true test for the theater will be if they show Gus Van Sant’s Milk, opening on 5 December.

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The Princess theater has always been a heaping pile of shit. The theaters are small, the bathrooms are of ill repute and I get the sense that there might be something slightly illegitimate about their giving cash back for concessions when using a credit card.

That aside, there was one gleaming redemption for this dilapidated movie house in previous years… the films. The Princess has gone along with what a college cinema should be – a mix of commercial films and artistic films. But let’s give you a look at the current crap-tacular lineup now being shown in Oxford:

Quarantine

Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Saw V

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Max Payne

Here is a list of the movies that did not make it to the silver screen this season:

W.

Religulous

Battle in Seattle

Choke

Not too long ago, the Great Escape Princess 4 was showing much better films with much less Zach Efron. I recall Good Night and Good Luck being at the theater as well as Sweeney Todd but those days may soon be over.

I am hoping the Princess is experiencing a market failure, that is to say that they are simply guessing incorrectly about which movies would sell the best. If not, this means a campus full of students prefer terrible movies full of special effects and little else.

Or they enjoy reliving the glory days of high school, but set to the music videos of no-talent heartthrobs. Watch this clip, it is a tween’s wet dream personified. If an issue of Tiger Beat could come to life to sing shitty pseudo rap about suburbia and basketball dreams this is what it would look like.

One must wonder what is going on under those pink neon lights; the management either has no faith in the intelligence of Miami’s student body so far this year, or the management is deliberately trying to dumb us all down.

Dear Princess, please pick up a film worth watching and I will gladly brave the aisles of your theater. (No matter how much soda, popcorn butter and god-knows what other fluids have been spilled on them.)